Let Them Eat Cake

A Word from the Editor

by FlyingJellyfish

Hi, and welcome to the official newspaper for the MinecraftOnline.com server: Voice of Freedonia!

After the cake-filled celebrations of mco's birthday last month, closely followed by two mco staff birthdays, what better topic for this issue than food? With that in mind, we set out to bring you the best everything food-related in Freedonia, from the Shypixel Grill and the Palace of Potions to asking you what food additions you would make to the game.

As it says on the fabled infinite cake at spawn, may you enjoy cooperation and freedom.

The editor wishes you happy mining!

The News in Brief

by Palindrome7

Praise be unto them! The oracles have heard the divine words of the Spawn Gods. Let your prayers be heard at their altar located just across the pond at Spawn, you may earn their boon... unless of course you displease them.

Some of our readers may have felt the presence of bottled rage recently, but don't worry! After a somewhat lengthy hiatus, Freedonia's favorite meanypants, dorn284, was seen again on the server!

“A gruesome scene played out”

Humpto! Those members of the Freedonian community that logged on during MCO's birthday were treated to a day of free access to the /jumpto command! Everyone was jumptoing for joy.

Let them eat cake! Everyone's favorite admin that is eponymous with an ocean invertibrate, FlyingJellyfish, has designed a new extreme cake eating game. Desserts always taste better when sprinkled with the blood of the fallen.

Jellycake arena under construction

A gruesome scene played out last month when several cats owned by xArches were brutally murdered in cold blood. When asked for an opinion on the matter, a local passerby replied, "giv me op plz."

Freedonia Speaks

by Winx51

For this issue's interview section we decided to ask you, the citizens of Freedonia, about your ingame, and real life, food and drink preferences. Here's what you said.

• What is your favorite ingame food?
• "Cake" -AlmightyKey123
• "Chicken" -Techkid6
• "Steak" -Ldog540
• "Rotten Flesh" -MattyQ
• "Cooked Pork" -logicbug
• "Cookies" -Flippeh
• "Roast Chicken" -Jayceetee

• 

  Some players having a drink

  What is your favorite food or drink to have while playing minecraft?
• "Pizza and Ginger-Ale" -Forvac
• "Chips" -Enjoku
• "Pink Lemonade" -winx51
• "Cookies!" -fmxstick
• "Ice Cream" -broncoskip
• "Edamame!" -medgooroo
• If you could add any food or drink item to the game, what would it be?
• "Whiskey. It would be made of wheat and the broken tears of noobs," - Mobster_ie
• "Tropical Island Juice" -BryBer
• "Cocaine! It would give me the power to high jump," -Stromhurst

“Made of wheat and the broken tears of noobs”

• "Some sort of drink that makes you drunk," -JonathanPanda
• "Cider" -The_Jackal_249
• "Whiskey for the drink...and I'd really like Potatoes," -dorn284
• "Gatorade!" -morla
• "Coke" -Techkid6
• "Coffee for a speed boost," -medgooroo

Empathy Enjo

Where Enjoku gives free advice

• Dear Enjo, What is the easiest and quickest type of food to get?

  -Anonymous

• Dear Anonymous: I would suggest melons as the easiest food, since a single melon can give you over a dozen slices, and those slices can feed you longer than any other food.
• Dear Enjo, What is the fastest way to kill a bunch of animals and get their food?

  -Hunter

• Dear Hunter: Lava pits are your friend. Just use some wheat to lure them in, and have a chest collector nearby.

Have a question or a problem? Email it to Enjoku at

Ldog the Scientist

by Ldog540

Research log 1: Endermen. The discovery of a pocket dimension accessible via a tear in reality in an abandoned culture's fortress sent shockwaves through the scientific community. Apparently, these abandoned fortresses were End "Strongholds" created by End civilizations to enter and explore our world from the End.

The mysterious end inhabitants

It seems an unknown cataclysm shattered their world and devolved these advanced races into primitive, sub-sapient "Endermen". These Endermen, upon analysis, are riddled with cybernetic implants as well as biological modification.

cybernetic travel device

Their cybernetic, spherical devices allow Endermen to navigate their shattered world by teleporting between the broken islands floating in an empty void. It also enables them to travel around our world with great ease, making them extremely difficult to capture.

“Who, or what, that adversary could be remains to be seen”

Their biology has been self-modified to require little water or food, only requiring moonlight captured by their cybernetic spheres to power their biological functions. They appear to pick up certain blocks of interest to them and teleport away with them.

Based on observation, they abduct items such as grass, earth, different kinds of blooming plants, mycelium, gravel, sand, clay, cacti, melons, pumpkins, and explosives. The majority of the materials seem to be an attempt to restore their broken world in the image of our own.

The dark end world

The explosives may possibly be an attempt at wide-scale excavation or weapons in a possible war against an adversary in their world. although who, or what, that adversary could be remains to be seen.

-L. Dog Head Scientist of Research Facility 540. Facility Codename: Freedonia's Voice.

Horoscopes

by mobster_ie

Halipleunom (The Wanderer): As you walk freely over the earth you can fill your pockets with apples, or find a few free roaming cows or pigs. but most likely you'll end up with loads of rotten flesh and have an iffy tummy. A warning to other players: give halipleunom a WIDE berth this week...

Commercari (The Trader): Good fortune smiles upon you this day, and if it doesn't you can always undercut your trading partners. You'll never go hungry. Millions others might, but hey that's buisness!

Inflectum (The Fighter): Fighters are no good if they're starved. so rape and pillage your way to the fighter physique that's necessary in this competitive world. Because tonight you dine in HELL!!!

Minerae (The Miner): Being a miner can be a lonely profession. But you're used to that bit of bread alone in your cave. Your meals might be lonely affairs but remember miner: you are rich in spirit! *cries a little clutching his pick axe in a tender way.....*

Repto (The Sneaker): Sneak around a bit and wait for someone to open those chests, then just nick those stacks of steak and eat like a king! Just don't grow fat and lazy off your spoils.

Ingeniarii (The Engineer): Ingenarii you don't ever worry about thirst or hunger. It's a case of "when i'm hungry, well I can build that stupidly large burger machine and laugh maniacally as cows have a wonderful mere 10 seconds of life and then scream to their deaths.

The Pixel Grill

By Werdnaz

The Pixel grill is one of the most famous eateries in Freedonia, so we sent our roving reporter to give his verdict on the food there:

The first thing that strikes me about the Pixel grill is the colour - it's very orange. Located on the Orange level of diamond mall, the owner has pulled no punches in continuing the colour scheme throughout his restaurant.

The chef is a little unusual, making sure the orange theme continues even to the food! We tried Colonel Krenath's Fried Chicken, as well as the Lava Town Mushroom Jambalaya (which, if we are honest, was more of a soup). Both were a curious shade of orange, though absolutely delicious.

Taste testing at the grill

And who can argue with the prices? All the cooked foods are available in courses for 6 for only 1 iron! For desert, we picked up some strawberry cake - not the cheapest we've seen, but worth it for the warm cake. You can watch them being baked fresh in the restaurant.

“The chef is a little unusual, making sure the orange theme continues even to the food!”

Your conscience can remain clear too - the grill sources its meat from hand raised animals, and roasts them over charcoal rather than industrial fired coal. All in all, a great eat, and worth the price.

Palace of Potions

by Werdnaz

If you prefer a more liquid diet, then nestled near spawn is the place for you. Lacrosse's Palace of Potions houses every kind of potion you'll ever need, from vile concoctions designed to eat through peoples flesh and armour, to protective energies defending against fire.

Founded shortly after the adventure update, the Palace of Potions provides every potion there is, at some of the cheapest prices in Freedonia. However, there is always a downside to each bargain - in this case, demand far outstrips supply, and the Palace of Potions is almost always low on stock.

If you prefer home brewing, then there is an extensive collection of recipes upstairs, alongside many of the ingredients required for each potion. Again, this suffers from a lack of stock - though whether this is down to the laziness of the owners or people snapping up bargains is unclear.

The potion palace

There are rumours regarding the source of the potions - whispers in the shadows speak of nefarious rituals, and dark deeds performed by immortals for their own gain. Regardless, the Palace of Potions is well worth checking out - you may even get lucky, and it be in stock.

How to Train your Pig

by The_Jackal_249

Like Pigchinko but you never seem to win at it? Tired of being beaten by hardcore players like werdnaz? Then this is the guide for you! In the guide we will tell you the seekrits of winning at pigchinko so you can become a pro!

Tip 1: Preparation is key, your pig will not respect you if you haven't spent at least 75 hours training with it before the event!

Tip 2: Can't seem to get your pig into the scoring pits? Tickle it behind the ear and it will be easier to guide into the pits!

Tip 3: If you have a raw porkchop in your inventory, your pig will preform better, however, if you have a cooked porkchop in your inventory, you run the risk of your pig poofing out of existance!

Ride your pig like this

Tip 4: You can't lead a pig around with wheat while your on it's back.

Tip 5: you can hit your pig 9 times without it dying (with your fist), but on the 10th hit, your pig will surely die!

Tip 6: Pigs dislike the smell of cooked chicken, red flowers, stone tools, and magenta dye, don't carry them while playing.

Tip 7: Never get on the pig that spawns in the southern corner if your name starts with a "W".

“Your pig will not respect you if you haven't spent at least 75 hours training with it”

Tip 8: Pigs have few needs, but they will be forever grateful to you if you fullfill these needs. Have fun winning!

The Newest Game in Town

by The_Jackal_249

In the country side, near the town of newlands, lies the stadium for the server's newest game: BlursBall! The game was invented by mobster_ie, winx51, and BryBer.

The new stadium

The game has a playing style similar to that of baseball, However there are several differences that must be noted, and that make the game unique!

“The bat has been replaced by a knock-back X sword that was spawned from top of Mount Olympus”

The ball (and pitcher) is replaced by a player holding an arrow. To "catch" the ball, you must kill him/her and take their arrow, then to out a player you have to shoot them with the arrow.

The bat has been replaced by a knock-back X sword that was spawned from top of Mount Olympus and is not permitted to leave the arena grounds.

How to play: Much like Baseball, the game starts with the batter hitting the ball (the player with the arrow). the ball is then "caught" (killed) by the oposing team, and the arrow is shot at the player running between bases, to out them.

As with baseball, the point of the game is to score the most runs in the innings alotted.